Where Has Our Humanity Gone?

When did we forget that the others walking around are human beings too? What has caused us to believe that our group is the higher/better ground? How have people forgotten that we are all in it together? OH- ALWAYS!

Sometimes it takes floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, genocide, and internment camps to come back to our original God given nature that is our humanity. When these devastating events occur it is not that we all run to our bunkers and shoot anyone who attempts invade us. It is our nature to attend and help those we wouldn’t have said hello on a normal day, that we rescue, When Houston and New Orleans were under water people got in their boats and helicopters and rescued people their egos would have deemed unworthy the day before. When push comes to shove we run toward others to help and care for them. NOT the other way around. In these dire circumstances we throw out ego and forms that define and dictate who we think we are or “they” aren’t, and default to human. In these moments of emergency we only see human beings in need. In essence, we see is someone in distress and needing attention. And guess what? For the most part we give it and step up to the plate.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we lived in that way every moment. As if there are no other types  but human beings worthy of courtesy and compassion. What does the bible say, ‘treat others as you would wish to be treated.’ What a concept.

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Why Suicide?

Unfortunately the loss of prominent people has us wondering what is the reason and what was someone thinking that suicide seemed the only alternative. I even had someone say to me, I don’t get it, they had money and fame.

We live in a world that lives and believes that outside in is the way of life and happiness. What I mean by that is people believe and societies reinforce that if you have the accouterments of money, prestige, fame, looks, and designer everything then the inside of self is taken care of. This is the mis-belief of the societal Kool Aid that everyone is weaned on. There is a line in a country song that says, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. Thus outside thinking of honing self is completely wrong and eventually every one hits the wall and falls.

The real owner of centering, mastery, confidence, and the depth of self is inside to out. To hold onto the inner essence of self is where the true ownership of self is realized. If one is steeped in self, nothing can rock you. It is the corner stone of inner truth and contentment, while walking life well.

In a society where this corner stone is not encouraged, reinforced, or given much credence, people get lost. They look around at all they have and feel empty. They experience a vast abyss that hungers for connection rather than the daemons of guilt and shame that plague them. When these daemons are not bought to light through support and discussion they become unbearable. At this point, as substances don’t quiet the pain, one starts to walk down a path of darkness that begets hopelessness where suicide becomes an option. Most people will tell you as they talk about this or have survived a suicide attempt that it was not that they wanted to die, but rather they wanted to end the pain and it seemed the only way to do it.

The tragedy of all this along with the loss of life is that we don’t as a society put enough stock in seeking help for psychological pain as we do physical pain. We, for the most part seek out  physicians when something physical scares us, but we weren’t brought up with the permission to seek out competent help for what scares us emotionally.

Of course this is a much more complex subject, but this is an important overview when struggling to understand such an awful outcome.

What Are We Thinking?

“No man is an island.” Or, “I am a rock, I am an island” are words not to be overlooked. I get for some, going it alone is the only way they know, and therefore it is not a problem to alienate everyone who has had their back or befriended them. However, if survival is based on being a team player and one needs others to win the team game, it is utter insanity to go it alone. The end result of such omnipotent and entitled behavior is LOSING.

If one believes he/she is bigger than life, then life usually hits you with a pretty big stick reminding you that your thinking is skewed to the point of arrogance. That sooner than later the Universe can/will send shock waves through your system and anyone else connected with you reminding you there is only one God and you ain’t it. We need to remember that alone is just that and though you don’t have to worry about anyone intruding on you, YOU ARE ALONE. We cannot go it alone on a team and any thought that this is possible has been documented in history by tragic atrocities resulting in severe devastation.

Too many, are acting like the only way to deal with bullying is to lay down and give up. Why have we forgotten that we are a team that must rely on each other to set things right. This loner stance has never worked throughout time and the healing it takes to correct the damage is long and very painful.

I never known a team who didn’t call out a player who hogged the ball, ignored the coach, wouldn’t listen to the team strategy, and wouldn’t pass the ball. As good as any one member of a team is, he/she can not win alone. Additionally, it disrespectful to other team member to allow such ignorance to continue. We do no one a service by allowing such grandiosity to go unchecked, culminating in a diminished/weakened team with eventual losses.

Being Terrified

What if you had a parent who chronically lied to you, was so inconsistent that nothing said could be trusted, and made friends with your enemies and belittled your friends?

What would you think/do if that same parent keep forgiving those who trespassed against you? Or if that parent keep making excuses for those who broke all the rules you had not only been brought up with, but were taught that these rules were actually what made up a good human being?

I feel terrified to be in a world that seems to allow and actually enable this type of behavior. That when everything seems backward and the ground underneath your feet seems to be giving way societally, is it not disquieting and terrifying?

What Happened to our Manners?

Everyday I see another example of how we are unconscious to everyday manners. What happened to the basics of please, thank you, and I appreciate that. Whether I open a door, let someone walk in front of me, or let someone into my lane during traffic almost no one and I mean most people act like they are entitled and don’t have to be appreciative.

Have we gotten so cold, guarded, distant from our hearts that we don’t have the sense that someone did something courteous for us? Have we gotten so blind to daily good deeds that we just don’t see what is being offered? Have we gotten so jaded as to the goings on of others that we don’t realize that someone has just acknowledged our existence and did a nice thing? Do we need to move so fast and unconscious that we do not see others needing assistance? The answer seems to be YES. So much so that I am not just talking about the millennials. I am talking about people of all ages and walks of life.

Is it so hard to be more aware of helping others, let alone seeing that others are helping us? What would happen if we created a Polite Day? That this would be needed as something unique is bad enough. But maybe its needed.

 

What About The Children?

If a child who was known to us, let alone children were abandoned, abused or God forbid put in camps equipped with cages to keep them in the people responsible would be arrested by the Child Protective Services workers. Yet children to the tune of fifty a day are experiencing this very thing as they are pulled away from parents who are illegally attempting to enter our country. I am not saying they should be allowed in, but to take a six year old child away from his parents and put in a cage is beyond unthinkable.

The psychological damage we are inflicting on these children is unthinkable and beyond abusive. These children do not know the language, and they are not with familiar people let alone family members. Additionally, there is no sense of how long they will be detained suffering from emotionally and physically abandonment. This is the kind of abusive behavior that in the long run raises the terrorists toward America that we don’t want to encourage .

There isn’t a parent alive that would tolerate and no enforcer who would conceive or allow this kind of atrocity to occur. We, as concerned people who would not allow such a thing to happen to our children need to stand up and speak out about this procedure that is being touted as necessary. Detain illegal immigrants, but do not separate children from their parents. This is inhuman and beneath us.

 

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Deepening II: Authentic Self

What a deep tantalizing title, which is bound to draw attention. But what is this exactly and aren’t we already being that? The answer is, it is the manifestation of absolute vulnerability and most people are not even in the ball park of this.

To be absolutely vulnerable is to drop below all the defenses that have been built up to protect out “under belly” that has an experiential sense of danger if we were to expose our core essence that is hungry to be seen, wanting to be invited out to be visible and express our need for more contact. It means dropping all the pretense that distracts/protects us from the danger of being in our present state of self that has never quite experienced a sense of safety to be ones true self. These pretenses show up as arrogance, greed, envy, oneupmanship, anger, road rage, rage in general, affairs, substance abuse, delusion, denial, rationalization, manipulation, and the list goes on. All these distractions provide cover in order to not feel the core suffering of feeling alone and longing to be truly connected and deeply felt with another human being.

The sad truth is that the essence of absolute vulnerability is to be present with the pain we all carry yearning to be invited out with our needs and wants. And to have these needs met with compassion and support rather than the normal responses of shame, blame, guilt, and judgment. If we had someone who truly offered this essential connection we could begin to live in our true state of being. This gives rise to what wwant more of, i.e. love, empathy, and compassion; and what we do not want any more of, i.e. abandonment, shame, or annihilation. And from this deep inner place of being is the clarity to know what this looks like and the empowerment to demand it.

Deepening

What causes us to stay so detached, acting out, or anesthetized? Why is it we can’t truly stay real and own a more authentic sense of self?
The answer is that we are unable due to lack of interest, safety, and compassion from others to be at our most vulnerable. As stated in, The Way Of The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Milliman it is not about being perfect, or victorious or vulnerable, but absolute vulnerability. It is this place that is the portal to our unique and authentic self. This place that can only be accessed if it is invited by someone offering interest in who we really are and how we feel. From this place of  safety to be present can we risk to access and share our truest self. As we learn that we can be completely real, it is then that we can begin to stand on a foundation of self that is empowered and invincible seeking out the “more” connection with the world that we all desire.

Personal Story About ‘To Thine Own Self Be True’

I spoke at the Anton conference a few years ago. The night before the talk, after I had already prepared it, my inner voice said, “don’t do that talk.” And I thought, these are serious reverends; I’m just showing up hoping to have something to offer. It was a talk I had done at the church a few years earlier and it had gone very well…so I was cool with the talk. They will love it…they will love me. That was my mistake…hear the ego in there?

That was the voice of my insecurity…that’s what it does. The wounds I was carrying with me showed up as insecurity and took me into the shadow land of doubt. So, when the truth of my inner voice tapped me on the shoulder and said “don’t do that talk…we’ll help you out…we’ll channel this…don’t worry.” This is what I usually do…trust my inner voice. But, this time because of my insecurity of presenting to such a high level group of spiritual people, I said, “No…no…I can’t do that this time.”

So I went the next day and gave the talk that I had prepared. Dr. Rick Moss was there with me and after the talk we reviewed how it went. It was probably one of the most mediocre talks I’ve ever done.

Because I didn’t listen to my truth; to my inner voice. Truth is often non-linear, non-tangible, not logical…it comes from a feeling place of what you know deep inside is true for you. But, often the mind goes “we can’t have any of that!” So, if we listen to the mind, we sabotage our inner truth in favor of what seems logical to our fearful self.

I almost did this again the next time, but as I invite people to learn their lessons, I end up learning mine. So, I was talking to someone at church the other day and they asked me “have you prepared your talk for PCC yet?” I said, “No, but that I was kicking around an idea about Buddhist teaching and the pitfalls Buddha faced on his way to enlightenment. “ And just as I was explaining this to my friend standing in front of me, I heard my inner voice again as it said, “Don’t give that talk.”

Well, I had two weeks to go before the talk and again I doubted and said to my inner voice “What do you mean, don’t do that talk?” And again, the Universe said “We’ll help you out…don’t do that talk.”

So, this time I trusted my inner voice. I had learned from the first time I ignored it and didn’t trust my inner guide that this time I better listen. These leaps of faith onto our own inner path are scary.   We have to let go of our sense of what is…our sense of identity…we have to let go of our ego minds. We have to trust that our inner guide will show up with the information we need.

And that is what I did that second time. I waited for the talk to show up and I trusted that it would. And a few days before the talk while I was mediating, I started getting data about the content of the talk. And it continued even as I slept. Thus, I can say that “to thine own self be true” proved to be best way for me to prepare for talks and continues to this day to be my path to public speaking.