Archive for April, 2009

Successful Relationships

April 10, 2009

     The corner stones of a successful relationship are unconditional love, trust, respect, and appreciation. It is not that there aren’t others to consider but for me these are essential. For most, unconditional love seems to be somewhat ambiguous and hard to pin down.  My definition of unconditional love is that the essence and soul of the person you are in relationship with is loved without  judgement or criticism.  Their core is totally lovable and cherished while held in your heart with unwavering acceptance. Therefore, when he or she mispeaks, assumes, errors, or does something bad you take issue with the behavior and or personality, but the essence is known to you and that is unshakable.

        Trust is something you can not live without in a relationship. You have to know and believe that who this person is, what they say, and where they are is never in significant question. It means that you can feel safe with them and are not left in concern or fear with what they are about. You may not always like what they do or what they say, but you can trust who they are. Trust like a redwood tree takes time to grow and can be cut down in an instant. Those who betray trust have to be willing to put in the hard work of rebuilding trust. It is imperative for people to have trust if they are to do the daily work that it takes to have a healthy relationship.

          Respect is another corner stone that must be there to have a functional, and viable relationship. In order to discuss, negotiate, confront and reslove issues in a reltionship, one must feel that his/her partner is someone of merit and value. When the respect is eroded many other aspects of your partner’s dysfunctions become less tolerable to unbearable. Respect needs to be ongoing and reinforced by each to be maintained.

           Appreciation is what floats the boat of a relationships. It is the glue that keeps the good will alive between people. When you are not feeling appreciated contributing to the relationship feels hollow and empty. It takes much of the juice out of the sharing and intimacy. It is essential to maintain on a weekly, if not daily basis a sense of honoring and acknowledging how you appreciate the many and/or little things your partner/spouse does for you. Much of what is struggled through in a relationship can be tolerated and gotten through if appreciation is apparent.

         Being conscious and attending to these corner stones will help keep your relationship vibrant and healthy.

Getting Out of Your Way

April 7, 2009


It was Roosevelt who said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” For many who have been hit by the financial crises of our day, fear of tomorrow is very real. For most of us this is not reality. We are still working and taking care of our financial responsibilities. However, none of us can be unaffected by the state of the union or the world, but succumbing  to fear is not the answer. What is called for is the balance between a watch ful eye and a centered calm. It is unrealistic to be in denial of the economic scene, but so too is it unrealistic to be in panic mode running around as if the sky is falling. The balance is to couple awareness while living your life in some sort of harmony.  This is done by being mindful of all that is around you. It is knowing what the world situation is, while also enjoying the moments of your life. You are still working, making money, having your health, coming home to your family, and still engaging in those things that give you joy. There is a biblical saying that parallels Roosevelt’s, It is done unto you as you believe it. If you live in the panic of dread, dread will occur. If you live in the energetic of the moment of goodness it will continue. Now to many of you this is too California, but it does not make it any less so. There is a demeanor that if you walk in the negative that is what you will get, and if you embrace that which is good around you it will be so.

       Many of you before all of this occurred knew of people who were always negative and depressed. You might have said to friends that these people were always wondering why their lives were so hard while everyone else seemed immune of the tough stuff. You knew that they lived in the negative, and could see it even if they could not. You knew why life was difficult for them and not as much for you. Well, what are you doing now? Are you not joining them in the land of not? Are you not walking in the same quicksand you use to criticize them for? Think about it and hose off the mud, step into the light and take a deep breath.