Archive for April, 2014

Personal Story About ‘To Thine Own Self Be True’

April 9, 2014

Gary Richman HeadshotI spoke at the Anton conference a few years ago. The night before the talk, after I had already prepared it, my inner voice said, “don’t do that talk.” And I thought, these are serious reverends; I’m just showing up hoping to have something to offer. It was a talk I had done at the church a few years earlier and it had gone very well…so I was cool with the talk. They will love it…they will love me. That was my mistake…hear the ego in there?

That was the voice of my insecurity…that’s what it does. The wounds I was carrying with me showed up as insecurity and took me into the shadow land of doubt. So, when the truth of my inner voice tapped me on the shoulder and said “don’t do that talk…we’ll help you out…we’ll channel this…don’t worry.” This is what I usually do…trust my inner voice. But, this time because of my insecurity of presenting to such a high level group of spiritual people, I said, “No…no…I can’t do that this time.”

So I went the next day and gave the talk that I had prepared. Dr. Rick Moss was there with me and after the talk we reviewed how it went. It was probably one of the most mediocre talks I’ve ever done.

Because I didn’t listen to my truth; to my inner voice. Truth is often non-linear, non-tangible, not logical…it comes from a feeling place of what you know deep inside is true for you. But, often the mind goes “we can’t have any of that!” So, if we listen to the mind, we sabotage our inner truth in favor of what seems logical to our fearful self.

I almost did this again the next time, but as I invite people to learn their lessons, I end up learning mine. So, I was talking to someone at church the other day and they asked me “have you prepared your talk for PCC yet?” I said, “No, but that I was kicking around an idea about Buddhist teaching and the pitfalls Buddha faced on his way to enlightenment. “ And just as I was explaining this to my friend standing in front of me, I heard my inner voice again as it said, “Don’t give that talk.”

Well, I had two weeks to go before the talk and again I doubted and said to my inner voice “What do you mean, don’t do that talk?” And again, the Universe said “We’ll help you out…don’t do that talk.”

So, this time I trusted my inner voice. I had learned from the first time I ignored it and didn’t trust my inner guide that this time I better listen. These leaps of faith onto our own inner path are scary.   We have to let go of our sense of what is…our sense of identity…we have to let go of our ego minds. We have to trust that our inner guide will show up with the information we need.

And that is what I did that second time. I waited for the talk to show up and I trusted that it would. And a few days before the talk while I was mediating, I started getting data about the content of the talk. And it continued even as I slept. Thus, I can say that “to thine own self be true” proved to be best way for me to prepare for talks and continues to this day to be my path to public speaking.