Archive for July, 2018

Partnership

July 27, 2018

What is partnership? We each in our own way seek someone to partner up with. And yet how do we know what that is? The interesting answer is that whether we are in a long standing relationship/marriage or a reasonably new one, our definition though initially clear continues to change to some degree as we change. Therefore, like our current reality is fluid, we need to reassess what that means to us and allow for change.

Thus if the meaning of partnership is changing every five to ten years, we need to be in touch with our sense of this and communicate it to out partner. It is the lack of checking in and discussing our transitions that can cause a relationship to begin to go bad. And if left unchecked, it goes to distance and crises. The couples I see, find this reassessment occurring more so in there forties. This is a time when we look closer at our own sense of growth and where we reconsider what quality of life means to us. We need to keep  avenues of communication open and if you will, renegotiate our sense of direction and attachment.

And yet, the fundamentals of what our partnership is standing on need to stay clear and consistent. Such as, unconditional love, prioritizing your partners greatest good, maintaining honesty and integrity, respect, appreciation, compromise, loyalty, and for the most part having each other’s back. These fundamentals are the many pillars that keep a partnership standing on a foundation that will not crack .And yet it takes work to keep the foundation from cracking as normal human issues continue to smack it around. In these moments it is quite appropriate though difficult as connection and communication wane for many to allow professional help to get back on track. We need help to once again talk safely with one another. We need help to see how we have taken some of those fundamentals for granted and forgotten to reinforce and cherish in gratitude the one we love. To heal that which has shaken our being in love with whom we once considered special and a gift to us.

Fundamentally, we are meant to partner up. We are beings who need to have more connection and nurturing. We are meant to seek out that person who makes life less scary as we lean on each other to confront what life has to offer. Like little children who naturally cuddly in your lap just because, we need to attach: Partnership.

 

 

 

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Entitlement

July 15, 2018

It is not hard to witness entitlement. It seems to be everywhere these days. People feel entitled to be let in first, allowed to be disrespectful, rude, selfish, short sited, and even cruel. Where did such behavior come from? How did such behavior go unchecked? How is it that so many are unconscious to their own actions? The answer is, they have been raised in an environment of privileged, not had appropriate boundaries, and have  not distinguished the meaning of, you can do anything from do it all over people.

In a country where the Bill of Rights guarantees the right to  Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, we have forgotten that you get to pursue all this as long as you don’t intrude or oppress anyone else’s pursuance. That coupled with an arrogance stemming from a deeper insecurity of self overcompensated by a bloated ego, manifests entitlement.

I am all for people finding their passions engendered through life, liberty and happiness. I think along with self reflection and contentedness, these endeavors are part of a healthy and fulfilling life. What is appalling is that people act as if their needs, objectives, and desires are all important. They get to be important, but over the rights, and freedoms of others? We need to give up the competitiveness that dictates that we must do our lives over the needs of others. We must give up the notion that we are the only important entity walking around out there. We need to give up the ridiculous notion that either we focus only on ourselves or we give to others.

It will NEVER take away from your path or objectives to stop and be kind to someone. It will NEVER take away from you having what you want to be generous to someone in need. It will NEVER take away from you getting somewhere or slow you down if you are sensitive to someone needing to go by.

Empowerment of self is the idea, not power over others.

 

 

 

 

 

Appreciation

July 4, 2018

One of the important ingredients in a relationship of any kind is to be appreciative of what the other person offers and let them know. Far too often, people get complacent and forget to express their appreciation for the things big or small that the other does for them. This lack of recognition breeds discontent and resentment culminating in a palpable distance.

In essence, we all want to offer the things that we know our friends or partners need. We do this out of interest in making the other feel good and seeing the appreciation in their eyes. This is the juice that keeps the sweetness alive and creates a good will that emanates in a nice back an forth dance. When time goes on and routine, boredom, wounds, being taken for granted, and hurt goes unexpressed and unresolved, we step back from that which keeps the juice flowing and a painful stagnancy creeps in.

The mindfulness of offering appreciation keeps relationships alive and vital. It allows people to continue on together feeling connected and close. You can never let someone know often enough, how much  they do for you, and appreciate them for it. It may seem like your offering too much and that the other won’t like it, but you are wrong. Each time you engage in this behavior, your partner will smile or at least get that sheepish look as they glance toward the ground, but IT IS noted. And will come back to you as well.