Archive for October, 2018

Origins of Hate

October 29, 2018

With all that has gone on lately, especially lately the word hate has come up and been acted on in a way that is overwhelming and repugnant. We have over the course of the last ten years been witnessing domestic shootings that seem pointless and originating from those we would classify as seriously depressed to the point of being just plan crazy. We know that random acts of horror have been perpetrated on the innocent for no other reason than someone has lost their way and their mind. The recent acts of violence, however are of a very different origin though not unfamiliar to our history.

There was a line in a song from the musical South Pacific that said, you have to be carefully taught. Carefully taught to be prejudice and hate anyone who is so different that they need to be watched, shunned, or eradicated. However, not since McCathyism has fear been so nationally reinforced and spoken to in the most horrific manner. Those who ‘have been carefully taught’ as well as those feeling so deeply disenfranchised believe they are being somehow patriotic by killing those who are different. When hate and the deadly acting out on those beliefs seems to make one a good card carrying member of some new order, we are moving into the flagrant ‘dark side of the force’ of pure evil.

The origins of hate commence when children are brought up to be socialized to inately believe they can never get ahead or actualize their dreams. They are taught that there are those who are “not like us” as well as more privileged deserving to be hated or projected on. Thus, this way of behaving and believeing becomes the normal way of thinking and acting. In essence, never having to look deeper at one’s own responcibility and potential or even ever believe it is possible to be more. This lack of possibilities begets viewing those who were not given this negative message and have therefore moved ahead, as deserving of hated. The groups that are wrong or too different from those who are taught to be disenfranchised are the easy scapegoats for all the woes experienced by this self fulfilling prophecy of being less. As in another movie,  Pretty Woman when upon hearing that she had great qualities, she says, the negative is easier to believe. When you been weaned on hearing that its everyone else’s fault for how things are and if only “they” were gone will things be right for “us” makes fertile ground for bigotry and hated.

In fact, all these people who feel disenfranchised and pushed aside are horribly alone and hopeless. They anaesthetize depression and worthlessness with substances coupled with blame and hate. Ideally, what they need is to be reached out to with encouragement and a process offered to them by which they can learn to believe in themselves and achieve differently. Obviously, if this were done at the elementary school level the outcome would be more fruitful.

Until we all get on the band wagon of helping and understanding where hate and bigotry come from, we will never have an inroad to healing a severe problem in our country. BUT, along with this we must have leaders who promote this perspective and attitude, while condemning scapegoating differences and hateful violence.


October 15, 2018

So many of the younger people I see in my practice are struggling with finding their passion. Even older adults wonder where their passion has gone. They look to their heads for the spark and the juice associated  with  passion. They seem to believe that it dwells in their heads and can be accessed as if googling an app. They have been socialized to look even more outside themselves then their parents generation. They seem to believe that the origins of passion are in their intellect wondering why they can’t access this tangible file that must be close at hand.

Passion exists in one place and one place only, i.e. the heart/feelings. Passion by design is a feeling, and that which springs up from this place are the excited aspects of desire and want. It is the place that once accessed, spews forth an energetic targeted on a doing that is overflowing with joy, sacrifice, and enthusiasm.  It is as if we are directed to a place or objective that has almost no thought, except how to manifest it. And though the doing takes some doing as anything worthwhile does, the well from which this springs is clear, definitive, and exciting, and all encompassing.

The rub is that so many have been taught to suppress feeling and oneself. In a society where vulnerability and mindfulness of self are not encouraged, especially in this tech oriented world of texting and social media, we don’t know how to engage self. We distract our self from ourselves being taught not to “dwell,” “linger,” “burden,” “stay stuck,” “loose control,” “breakdown,” or embarrass ourselves by having and owning our emotions. Moving on and “getting over it” are the defaults of our day. No one including your own self, has the band width for emotions or depth. In this collusion against self reflection, we stay as far away from ourselves as humanly possible, accompanied by a good heaping of judgment.

Passion is the juice of/for intention, invention, risk taking, direction, path, knowing, intuition, loving, deepening, and excitement. It comes from deep inside of our higher selves and bursts forth with gusto and intense motivation to grasp intensely and completely whatever shows up. But it can only be felt if we do the work to stay open to self, involving the more difficult work of staying in touch with our deeper selves. To the level you can do this, is the level and depth of passion you will experience.


October 1, 2018

To be in gratitude. Seems like such an easy statement, but such an important, immense and worthwhile perspective. Gratitude is a authentic aspect of humility coupled with a deeper sense of thankfulness. It means that one feels and acknowledges the joy of being granted from the Universe the gifts of being. These gifts can come in many forms, but it is without ego’s pollution. Therefore, an inner acceptance and peacefulness pervades as one owns and claims self through gratitude.

Today for instance was a beautiful day, and I was driving with the top down through the forest on my way to meet a friend for lunch. I was caught by a moment of smiling gratitude that I was allowed to enjoy this incredible moment. It was not one of ego as I stated earlier, arrogance, or pride, but a thankfulness that I feel blessed to be enjoying an experience that feels so lovely. Now this may sound very Californian, but it is so much more. It is a humbling, awesome sense of joy and luck all at once. Now those who believe that there is only the  literal, logical and tangible factors in life see everything through this outward lens and will want to take issue with this. And in their defense, I am not saying I did not take steps to own my car, live where I live, and cultivate the good friend who I enjoyed lunch with. BUT, the gratitude I feel, comes from a philosophy that I subscribe to:  nothing happens that the Universe does not have a hand in. There are many twists and turns that could have denied me this day, so I honor the fortunate, true gift of my afternoon experience.

Gratitude is so important because it takes each one of us out of our ego, and therefore out of our arrogance culminating in personal toxicity. When we are all about ourselves and see everything as accomplished because of how great we are, we lose true appreciation. This appreciation is about owning something grander than ourselves and gives credence to that something more. Without this awareness and recognition, we lose track of our inner beauty and strengths. We brag, as if we are everything, rather than apart of everything grand. This grandeur is a deep resonance with something beyond ourselves and deeply centered in our selves. If you look closer at your own experiences about this, you will see/feel the difference. When you have boosted about your accomplishments, wasn’t there a hollow and somewhat empty feeling that accompanied this and/or received by others? When you have come from a place of gratitude for your gifts and strengths, wasn’t there a deep, peaceful cuddly joy that sprang  forth from inside you and others? The difference of how the two feel is palpable and distinguishable.

Suffice it to say, that ego is outside in and feels that way; empty. Gratitude is inside out and it feels that way; full. Very different perspectives as to how you experience life, and  ultimately how you experience yourself.